everwas

The week that was (1-19-2018)

A “drunk gentleman in Russia” stole an armored personnel carrier and rammed it into a liquor shop to steal a bottle of wine.

A White House conference call with 60+ reporters devolved into chaos while the operator tried to figure out how to put everyone into listen-only mode. “I think if everyone had half a brain and common sense and muted their phones, this wouldn’t be a problem,” yelled one White House official. h/t to @toddbarnard for a link to a recording.

Saudi Arabia lifted a 35-year ban on movie theaters. Citizens were most likely unimpressed with the initial offerings, The Emoji Movie followed by Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

Miners in southern African country of Lesotho unearthed one of the largest diamonds ever found. The 910-carat is a D color, Type IIa diamond and expected to fetch tens of millions.

Japan’s national TV station, NHK, mistakenly sent an alert informing alarmed users of its app that North Korea had launched a missile.

Further South, in city of Gamagori, panicked officials pleaded over the city-wide emergency alert loudspeaker (normally reserved for tsunami alerts) not to eat fugu. It was discovered that a local supermarket sold five packets of the deadly blowfish with the toxic liver still intact. “Three packages will be retrieved today, but we still don’t know where the remaining two are.”

For the first time an artificial intelligence outscored humans in a reading comprehension test.

A Russian businessman purchased two electrical power plants that he plans to use exclusively to power his bitcoin mining operation.

The United Kingdom appointed a minister for loneliness.

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