The week that was (04-12-19)

A California store is looking for the man who stole a chainsaw by stuffing it down his pants and walking calmly (and gingerly) out the door.

It took less than five minutes for a group of men in balaclavas to operate an excavator to scoop up a gas station ATM and drop it into a waiting getaway car.

“We breached the bathroom door and encountered a very thorough vacuuming job being done by a Roomba,” said a sheriff’s deputy after responding to a 911 call from an Oregon woman reporting that someone was in her bathroom with the door locked and that she could see shadows moving under the door.

Election hacking was uncovered at Berkeley High School when the student commissioner discovered irregularities in the leading candidates’ electronic ballots.

The BT Tower in London was lit up last weekend not with its usual bands of color but the Microsoft Windows start up message.

A skull and a pair of pants were all that was left of a suspected rhino poacher who was attacked and killed by an elephant and then devoured by lions.

A Dutch F-16 somehow managed to hit itself when the jet accelerated into a dive and caught up with and passed the 20mm rounds it fired and was shot by said rounds as the plane pulled out of its firing run.

The Swiss have determined that coffee is no longer vital for survival and therefore will be removed from the nation’s emergency stockpile.

Legalization of marijuana in Oregon and federal restrictions against transportation across state lines has resulted in a surplus of weed (1 million pounds), enough to last for the next seven years.

Photo credit: xkcd

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