everwas

a blog by Ian Kennedy

Month: October 2020

  • The week that was

    The week that was

    The number of Covid-19 cases in the UK was vastly undercounted due to a file size limitation in Microsoft Excel.

    A Canadian seed company’s advertisements were banned by the Facebook ad quality algorithm because its photo of Walla Walla onions were deemed overtly sexual.

    Venice’s annual acque alte was rebuffed for the first time in history. The construction of tide barriers, beset by years of incompetence and corruption, finally worked.

    An internet-enabled chastity belt (who the hell thought that was a good idea) was found to be vulnerable to hacking that would lock up users and require “intervention of a heavy-duty bolt cutter or an angle grinder to free the user.”

    Chinese bike-sharing startup Ofo famously flamed out a couple years ago, leaving monumental piles of abandoned bicycle graveyards. Now nearby residents are complaining they cannot sleep at night because the lonely, piled up bikes, designed to call out through an installed speaker when tipped over, cry out “Little yellow bike fell. Please hurry and help me up!” all thru the night in a sad, dystopian chorus.

    The makers of the card game Uno once again tried to reaffirm how their game is played but was told to shove off by Uno fans who have made the game their own.

    Yelp will start indicating if businesses have been accused of racist behavior. The Business Accused of Racist Behavior Alert will link to a news article where consumers can learn more about the incident.

    For the first time since 1946, following a World War, the United States debt is projected to be larger than the economy, and soon “will be larger than any time in history,”

    A financial stock trading app called Robinhood has been accused of being unresponsive when people’s accounts were hacked and drained of funds.

    Astronaut Kate Rubins will vote from space listing her address as “low-Earth orbit.”

    Raccoons on the White House lawn are apparently commonplace but they are now getting so aggressive that White House correspondents need to shoo them away, while on camera.

    https://twitter.com/AlisynCamerota/status/1313823194709622786

    Everyone steeled themselves for another chaotic debate night in Utah. Even the vodka maker Smirnoff warned people not to drink and debate. But the real hero of the night was the fly.

    Ready for a tear-jerker? Oreo is no longer just black & white.

    Photo: 102-year-old Chicago Teacher’s Union retiree Bea Lumpkin casts her vote-by-mail ballot.

  • NEJM Fires Trump

    NEJM Fires Trump

    The venerable and respected New England Journal of Medicine broke with tradition and published a political editorial lambasting the current administration’s response to Covid-19. While they did not call out Trump & Pence by name, they basically called them a threat to the health and society of all Americans and encouraged their readers to vote them out of office.

    It starts,

    Covid-19 has created a crisis throughout the world. This crisis has produced a test of leadership. With no good options to combat a novel pathogen, countries were forced to make hard choices about how to respond. Here in the United States, our leaders have failed that test. They have taken a crisis and turned it into a tragedy.

    The magnitude of this failure is astonishing. 

    After a couple of data points showing how poorly the US squandered its opportunity to respond and how corrosive the administration was to basic science they continue,

    An outbreak that has disproportionately affected communities of color has exacerbated the tensions associated with inequality. Many of our children are missing school at critical times in their social and intellectual development. The hard work of health care professionals, who have put their lives on the line, has not been used wisely. 

    Then finally, the zinger.

    Anyone else who recklessly squandered lives and money in this way would be suffering legal consequences. Our leaders have largely claimed immunity for their actions. But this election gives us the power to render judgment. Reasonable people will certainly disagree about the many political positions taken by candidates. But truth is neither liberal nor conservative. When it comes to the response to the largest public health crisis of our time, our current political leaders have demonstrated that they are dangerously incompetent. We should not abet them and enable the deaths of thousands more Americans by allowing them to keep their jobs.

    Read the full editorial, Dying in a Leadership Vacuum, and vote.

  • The week that was

    The week that was

    Finland started screening incoming travelers for Covid-19 at Helsinki Airport with specially trained dogs that can sniff it out.

    A Florida man called 911 when he heard his neighbors yelling “Shoot! Shoot!” The police arrived to find an animated trio of mates watching their Tampa Bay Lightnings in hot pursuit of the Stanley Cup.

    Three Metro-North employees have been suspended without pay when a makeshift “man cave” was discovered under track 114, deep within the bowels of Grand Central Station. The hideout was equipped with a futon, microwave, refrigerator, and flat screen TV. In a statement, the MTA Inspector General accused the three of chutzpah.

    Aviation company ZeroAvia ran its first successful test flight of its new zero-emission, hydrogen-powered Piper M-class passenger plane.

    Japan announced plans to fuel shuttle rockets powered by water found on the moon.

    Back on earth, scientists have perfected an enzyme that can “eat” plastic six times faster than their previous concoction.

    The New York Times got their hands on some coveted Trump tax documents and shared various business expenses. The Donald was not shy with his use of write-offs which included $70,000 for haircuts, $750,000 paid to his daughter for consulting services, and $2.2 million in property tax paid on his upstate New York mansion, all for business.

    Staff at the White House’s guest facilities for visiting state leaders demurely confessed that Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu kind of overdoes the complimentary laundry service, bringing with him “bags and suitcases full of dirty laundry” on his trips to D.C.

    The Governor of Florida said he felt it “incredibly draconian” to suspend a college student for attending a party because “That’s what college kids do” and proposed a student Bill of Rights to protect a student’s right to p-a-r-t-y.

    The Irish Supreme Court rejected Subway’s appeal to qualify for a lower tax rate when they ruled that the high sugar content in their sandwich bread makes it not actually bread but “confectionery.”

    The LA Kings mascot Bailey was fired after sexual harassment claims were filed by a female employee. Faithful TWTW readers will recall that Gritty was cleared of assault back in February and Phanatic beaned a fan with the t-shirt gun.

    NASA will test a $23 million titanium space commode at the international space station. The updated design is smaller than the existing Russian toilets and better suited for women. The planned October 1st launch was scrubbed (sorry, dad joke) due to bad weather.

    Former coal CEO Robert Murray, who fought federal regulations over regulations to cut the amount of coal dust in his mines, has filed an application for benefits from the U.S. Department of Labor for black lung benefits.