Two different perspectives on taking a leap. You never know what’s on the other side, sometimes you just gotta go for it.
12-year-old Sky Brown takes on Tony Hawk’s “mega ramp.”
Year: 2020
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The week that was
The number of Covid-19 cases in the UK was vastly undercounted due to a file size limitation in Microsoft Excel.
A Canadian seed company’s advertisements were banned by the Facebook ad quality algorithm because its photo of Walla Walla onions were deemed overtly sexual.
Venice’s annual acque alte was rebuffed for the first time in history. The construction of tide barriers, beset by years of incompetence and corruption, finally worked.
An internet-enabled chastity belt (who the hell thought that was a good idea) was found to be vulnerable to hacking that would lock up users and require “intervention of a heavy-duty bolt cutter or an angle grinder to free the user.”
Chinese bike-sharing startup Ofo famously flamed out a couple years ago, leaving monumental piles of abandoned bicycle graveyards. Now nearby residents are complaining they cannot sleep at night because the lonely, piled up bikes, designed to call out through an installed speaker when tipped over, cry out “Little yellow bike fell. Please hurry and help me up!” all thru the night in a sad, dystopian chorus.
The makers of the card game Uno once again tried to reaffirm how their game is played but was told to shove off by Uno fans who have made the game their own.
Yelp will start indicating if businesses have been accused of racist behavior. The Business Accused of Racist Behavior Alert will link to a news article where consumers can learn more about the incident.
For the first time since 1946, following a World War, the United States debt is projected to be larger than the economy, and soon “will be larger than any time in history,”
A financial stock trading app called Robinhood has been accused of being unresponsive when people’s accounts were hacked and drained of funds.
Astronaut Kate Rubins will vote from space listing her address as “low-Earth orbit.”
Raccoons on the White House lawn are apparently commonplace but they are now getting so aggressive that White House correspondents need to shoo them away, while on camera.
Everyone steeled themselves for another chaotic debate night in Utah. Even the vodka maker Smirnoff warned people not to drink and debate. But the real hero of the night was the fly.
Ready for a tear-jerker? Oreo is no longer just black & white.
Photo: 102-year-old Chicago Teacher’s Union retiree Bea Lumpkin casts her vote-by-mail ballot.
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NEJM Fires Trump
The venerable and respected New England Journal of Medicine broke with tradition and published a political editorial lambasting the current administration’s response to Covid-19. While they did not call out Trump & Pence by name, they basically called them a threat to the health and society of all Americans and encouraged their readers to vote them out of office.
It starts,
Covid-19 has created a crisis throughout the world. This crisis has produced a test of leadership. With no good options to combat a novel pathogen, countries were forced to make hard choices about how to respond. Here in the United States, our leaders have failed that test. They have taken a crisis and turned it into a tragedy.
The magnitude of this failure is astonishing.
After a couple of data points showing how poorly the US squandered its opportunity to respond and how corrosive the administration was to basic science they continue,
An outbreak that has disproportionately affected communities of color has exacerbated the tensions associated with inequality. Many of our children are missing school at critical times in their social and intellectual development. The hard work of health care professionals, who have put their lives on the line, has not been used wisely.
Then finally, the zinger.
Anyone else who recklessly squandered lives and money in this way would be suffering legal consequences. Our leaders have largely claimed immunity for their actions. But this election gives us the power to render judgment. Reasonable people will certainly disagree about the many political positions taken by candidates. But truth is neither liberal nor conservative. When it comes to the response to the largest public health crisis of our time, our current political leaders have demonstrated that they are dangerously incompetent. We should not abet them and enable the deaths of thousands more Americans by allowing them to keep their jobs.
Read the full editorial, Dying in a Leadership Vacuum, and vote.
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The week that was
Finland started screening incoming travelers for Covid-19 at Helsinki Airport with specially trained dogs that can sniff it out.
A Florida man called 911 when he heard his neighbors yelling “Shoot! Shoot!” The police arrived to find an animated trio of mates watching their Tampa Bay Lightnings in hot pursuit of the Stanley Cup.
Three Metro-North employees have been suspended without pay when a makeshift “man cave” was discovered under track 114, deep within the bowels of Grand Central Station. The hideout was equipped with a futon, microwave, refrigerator, and flat screen TV. In a statement, the MTA Inspector General accused the three of chutzpah.
Aviation company ZeroAvia ran its first successful test flight of its new zero-emission, hydrogen-powered Piper M-class passenger plane.
Japan announced plans to fuel shuttle rockets powered by water found on the moon.
Back on earth, scientists have perfected an enzyme that can “eat” plastic six times faster than their previous concoction.
The New York Times got their hands on some coveted Trump tax documents and shared various business expenses. The Donald was not shy with his use of write-offs which included $70,000 for haircuts, $750,000 paid to his daughter for consulting services, and $2.2 million in property tax paid on his upstate New York mansion, all for business.
Staff at the White House’s guest facilities for visiting state leaders demurely confessed that Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu kind of overdoes the complimentary laundry service, bringing with him “bags and suitcases full of dirty laundry” on his trips to D.C.
The Governor of Florida said he felt it “incredibly draconian” to suspend a college student for attending a party because “That’s what college kids do” and proposed a student Bill of Rights to protect a student’s right to p-a-r-t-y.
The Irish Supreme Court rejected Subway’s appeal to qualify for a lower tax rate when they ruled that the high sugar content in their sandwich bread makes it not actually bread but “confectionery.”
The LA Kings mascot Bailey was fired after sexual harassment claims were filed by a female employee. Faithful TWTW readers will recall that Gritty was cleared of assault back in February and Phanatic beaned a fan with the t-shirt gun.
NASA will test a $23 million titanium space commode at the international space station. The updated design is smaller than the existing Russian toilets and better suited for women. The planned October 1st launch was scrubbed (sorry, dad joke) due to bad weather.
Former coal CEO Robert Murray, who fought federal regulations over regulations to cut the amount of coal dust in his mines, has filed an application for benefits from the U.S. Department of Labor for black lung benefits.
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The week that was
Ann Arbor, Michigan became the latest US city (after Denver, Oakland, and Santa Cruz) to decriminalize psychedelic mushrooms.
UC Berkeley announced the opening of the Center for the Science of Psychedelics.
A California man was sentenced to six years in prison for sending almost two pounds of meth inside a piñata.
You can now buy face masks from a vending machine thanks to Portland-based footwear maker Keen. Several designs are stocked including designs from the late-Jerry Garcia.
Japanese light manufacturer Ushio has developed a coronavirus-killing UV light that does not harm humans.
Australians are so desperate to go somewhere that Qantas is selling out “Flights to Nowhere” to take citizens on a 7-hour loop around the country. So popular are these flights they are selling out in just 10 minutes.
After record wildfires set his state on fire, California governor Gavin Newsom announced the state will phase out sales of new, gasoline-powered cars by 2035. He signed the order on the hood of a cherry red, electric Ford Mustang.
The NFL Media audio engineer turned up the fake booing during their recent 37-19 loss at a recent Philadelphia Eagles home game. Fans agreed this made the game, played to an empty Lincoln Field, sound even more true-to-life.
After 18 months of a painstaking process of elimination, villagers in a remote town in Wales know why the entire town’s internet connection goes offline like clockwork. Every day at 7am one of the villagers would switch on their old TV which would in-turn knock out broadband for the entire village. (Update: It was Mr. & Mrs. Rees who were innocently tuning into Piers Morgan.)
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The week that was
no filter photo by @jachristian
A farmer just 10 miles outside of Kenosha, Wisconsin (yes, that Kenosha) decided enough already with 2020 and turned his entire crop over to sunflowers.
My childhood nightmare just became product reality.
In Australia’s Queensland, COVID-19 restrictions put the kibosh on dancing at weddings but, strangely, allowed for “group sex at approved swinger clubs and adult parties.”
A transgender anarchist who recently won an un-contested GOP nomination for Sheriff on the platform slogan of “F— the Police” is turning to Go Fund Me to raise funds to fix her recently vandalized car.
Jimmy Carter not only confirmed long suspected rumors that he allowed Willie Nelson to spark one on the roof of the White House but that the president’s son Chip was getting baked with him.
Just in case you were wondering, yes, the Pentagon has a plan just in case there is a zombie apocalypse.
The Tiger King rivalry has moved over to e-commerce. Joe Exotic launched his Revenge line back in May and now Carol Baskin’s “Hey all you cool cats & kittens” facemasks are here.
40-year-old Lia Ditton pulled into Waikiki harbor after 86 days rowing solo from San Francisco. She was put up in a suite with a beautiful ocean view but demurely requested a room with a view of the mountains.
Stay safe y’all and see ya later California! By this time next week, I’ll be posting from NYC!
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The week that was
Hundreds of people assembled at a German church to hear an organ change chords for the first time in nearly seven years. The church is 19 years into performing John Cage’s Organ/ASLSP (As Slow As Possible) and is due to finish the piece in the year 2640.
Looking to differentiate itself from other sushi outfits, one Nagoya proprietor has hit gold by offering macho sushi delivered by body builder trainers temporarily out of work because of gym shutdowns.
While we may not be able to attend a football game in person you’ll be glad to know that you can light some scented candles so you can experience the game in smell-o-rama. Choose from the no description need Jock Strap or $18 Nachos, or Hashtag Field Goals which smells like fresh cut grass.
A man blew the roof off his house while attempting to swat a fly. The BBC wryly notes, “the fate of the fly is not known.”
Another man saw to it that he could stand in a tub filled with ice cubes up to his shoulder for 2 hours and 30 minutes. Afterward he said the sun felt “really great” on his back.
The Ukrainian priest who called COVID19 “God’s punishment” for gay marriage has contracted said punishment.
In upstate New York, a drowning ex-drug addict kayaker was rescued by a passing Tiki Bar boat full of priests and seminarians from a local Catholic retreat.
It happened in 2018, now it’s happened in 2020. This time, the folks that sparked a massive wildfire may be on the hook for millions in damages.
Because it’s 2020 police are asking residents in Eastern Tennessee to be on the lookout for a missing tiger.
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On Leaving California
It’d be easy to say that last week’s orange-colored skies were the final straw that told us it’s time to go but this move has been in the works for awhile and only in the past few weeks has become reality. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
For a couple years Izumi and I planned to sell the house and move once the kids up and left for college. Our house in Alameda is just too big for two people and a small dog and we live on a block too ideal for a family with small kids to keep it to ourselves. The house gained some value over the years as well which will allow us to pay off our children’s college debt.
So when our youngest started at college in August we began to inquire about selling the house. Things progressed rapidly from there and within a few weeks we completed the transaction, contacted the movers, and started the process of unloading years of stuff in preparation for moving into more modest quarters.
George Carlin on stuff The plan is to move to NYC. SmartNews has an office there and many of our publishing partners are based there so when things start to go back to normal it would make sense to be there. We would also be closer to the kids, who both go to school in Massachusetts, and they were both excited to the prospect of spending vacations in a bustling city.
We leave in a few weeks. Because of COVID restrictions we wanted to limit the amount of flying back and forth looking at places so we’re not sure where we’re living beyond the 30-day furnished apartment we just reserved online. Come to think of it, this is how we moved to Alameda in 2004 and to Finland in 2010 so I guess this is just how we roll.
We’re planning on living in Manhattan. People are fleeing downtown so hopefully that will make it somewhat affordable. We’ll see when we get there. I am optimistic for the future. NYC may be down but I can never imagine it would be out. The spirit of the city is just too strong.
If part of the plan was to keep Izumi busy so she wouldn’t get depressed being an empty-nester than I guess you can say it worked. She’s been a Tasmanian Devil packing what’s important and ruthless about pitching the rest.
I will, of course, miss friends and family (bye Sis!) I leave behind. I came out to the Bay Area in 2004 because no one on the East Coast knew what I was talking about when I ranted about the transformational impact of blogging. I moved here to be around like-minded people and rode that wave to where I am today. Now everyone “blogs” on Facebook. and tech is making moves to set up in NYC anyway.
Thank you to my colleagues at SmartNews for their understanding and support that allowed me to make this move. I should mention we are hiring to find someone to fill my shoes and work on my team in the SF office so please reach out to me if you want to learn more.
Izumi and I were born in Brooklyn so this move is like returning home in some ways. On my last trip to NYC I stayed in Brooklyn and spent the evenings riding a bike around the city looking for my old house. Like salmon swimming upstream, maybe we’re feeling a little nostalgic?
I think I read somewhere that Italians like to say that you should live your life in pursuit of experiences that will make for a good stories. Stay tuned as I have a feeling we’ll get a lot of stories out of this move.
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Modern Luddite’s Prayer
I found an old notebook of scribblings from a two week vacation taken in Paris around 2010. We were wonderfully disconnected from the internet and spent each morning at a museum or gallery and each afternoon on extended walks thru selected neighborhoods. As you can see, I took a grim view of technology when viewed from outside that bubble.
A bit over-dramatic but indulge me. This is what a couple of weeks in Paris will do to you.
The spindled algorithms of our time are optimizing the sinews of humanity. Gnashing life’s great works in the gears of its Engine. These are the dark Satanic Mills of our generation. Spitting out matchsticks of Knowledge that are mere sulfur-tipped flashes of attention-seeking factoids, no longer able to light the pyre of change to our mossy, over-grown minds deadened by years of trackpad-enabled twiddling.
We are addicted to the new of newsfeed but have lost the wisdom of perspective. Supplicants to the superior recall of the internet brain, we slavishly log time on the social treadmill with a thirst to be first for our friends and followers. Dark Times ahead if we continue to blindly submit to the false gods of Real-Time, PageRank and Likes.
Step away from your monitor, stop stroking your little glass-faced friend. Look into your neighbor’s eyes and peer into their soul. Smile to the passing stranger on the street and note them for who they are and how we are all connected. Embrace the warmth and smell of humanity. Live to create, not consume.