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TWTW

The week that was

A French inventor flew across the English channel on a hoverboard.

Chase Bank, anxious to exit the Canadian market, took a write off and forgave all outstanding credit card debt on it’s accounts. This move flabbergasted the Canadians who followed up to ask if they should declare their unexpected windfall as income on their taxes.

Several nations have issued travel advisories warning citizens not to travel to the United States due to the rash of mass shootings. Back here in America, the random violence has given rise to a new type of back-to-school item, the bullet-resistant backpack.

“Honorable Speaker, one of us has polluted the air and I know who it is,” pronounced one member of the Kenyan regional assembly as a loud fart had disrupted the debate and the foul smell required everyone to step outside to “clear the air.”

A tornado touched down in. . . Amsterdam.

An Israeli spacecraft crashed into the moon, spilling a payload of thousands of tardigrades, also known as “water bears” the toughest animal in the known universe.

Amazon deployed robots to deliver Amazon packages on the streets of Southern California.

63,133 rubber duckies were dumped into the Chicago River.

Photo credit: Reddit user FiggityFudger

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TWTW

The week that was (08-02-19)

Smugglers in Belgium, who locked themselves in a container to keep their shipment of cocaine safe, had to call the police to bust them out when they overheated during the heatwave.

Florida’s Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission had to dial back the open season on invasive green iguanas when someone was accidentally shot in the leg by an over-enthusiastic iguana hunter. “This is not the wild west,” said the agency in a statement.

Arlene Kaganove of Chicago just wanted her free birthday bagel from Panera. When she clicked on her emailed reward, scammers pounced and tried to extort her into paying them off in bitcoin or they would reveal her porn-watching behavior. “They told me I have very good taste in porn so I thought that was nice,” Arlene said. Arlene is 86

The Snyder Volunteer Fire Department was in a spot of trouble when their fire truck, caught fire so they had nothing to put it out.

Seth Maddox of Geraldine, Alabama, won the Microsoft Office Specialist Powerpoint National Championship.

Chase Bank signed a five-year deal with a new advertising firm that uses computer software to write ad copy.

Japan approved research to grow human organs in rat and mouse embryos “to produce animals with organs made of human cells that can, eventually, be transplanted into people.” Not to be outdone, a Spanish researcher working with a team in China is injecting human stem cells into monkey embryos.

China’s craze for controlling society with facial recognition technology has extended to trash can monitors that make sure people are sorting recyclables correctly.

All complex systems need the occasional reboot to clear out the proverbial cobwebs. The ol’ “turn it off and turn it back on again” is the oldest trick in the book for anyone who has worked in tech support. Airbus is now using this technique as part of standard operating procedure if you own their $300 million Airbus A350.

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TWTW

The week that was (07-26-19)

In a brilliant stroke of inspiration, the French Army admitted that they lack imagination and hired a team of science fiction writers to dream up future threats so the nation can better prepare to defend against them.

Some shoppers enjoyed quite the bargain on Amazon Prime Day. Due to a configuration error, one part of the site was selling everything for $94.48. This included the $550 camera and even $13,000 lens.

In order to tackle rising stress among students, Delhi University in India is teaching a 6-month course on happiness. This is taught by the School of Happiness in association with the Harvard University’s Centre of Public Health and Happiness

Another government agency got a little frisky with their Facebook live stream again. This time it was the spokesperson for the Royal Canadian Mounties who donned the kitten whiskers.

When a rockslide in northern British Columbia prevented thousands of salmon from swimming upstream to mate and lay eggs, the Canadian government leapt into action and airlifted them to their final destination.

The World Economic Forum published a hopeful piece, Cheese energy could power hundreds of UK homes. We’ll leave it at that and let the curious enjoy.

The normally taciturn residents of New Hampshire are up in arms over the Governor’s choice for the state poet laureate. Instead of choosing from a short list of candidates nominated by the Poetry Society, Gov. Chris Sununu (yes, related to that Sununu) has gone with a relative unknown who is primarily known for dittys such as The Girls of Vancouver 2010 and a saucy limerick involving former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

Photo credit: Reddit user Titors_Time_Machine

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TWTW

The week that was (07-19-19)

Things went from strange to worse during an Oklahoma traffic stop. After pulling over a couple for driving a stolen car with a suspended license, officers found an open bottle of Kentucky Deluxe whiskey, a rattlesnake, a firearm, and a canister of radioactive powdered uranium.

Shares of Philippine’s Cebu Air plunged 38% when a trader mistyped which stock they meant to sell.

Those nervous that machines are out to exterminate us may give pause before trying out the flu vaccine invented by Artificial Intelligence.

Meanwhile, humans invented an electric guitar that shoots flames out of its neck.

Somebody made off with the tax records of nearly every adult in Bulgaria.

Counterfeiters in Brazil were arrested for making fake Ferraris and sham Lamborghinis.

A boat was dragged around the for two miles in San Francisco Bay when one of the fisherman on board hooked a great white shark.

Chicago park officials flew in a professional alligator trapper from Florida to help them capture a 5-foot alligator that had been lurking about in one of their parks. No idea how it got there but some suspect it was a pet. Since catching the animal, Frank Robb has been in no rush to go home, basking in a hero’s welcome.

A hunter responsible for killing 1,300 elephants is now complaining there are not enough left.

As part of an on-going effort to remove gender-specific language from government documents, the Berkeley City Council voted to remove the term, “manhole” from the city’s municipal code and replace it with “maintenance hole.”

Photo credit: KAWS:Holiday @ Mt. Fuji

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TWTW

The week that was (07-12-19)

A rooster in France was hauled into court for crowing too loudly during the early morning hours.

An Uber pulled up to a wildlife rehabilitation center in Utah with a single passenger, a baby Lesser Goldfinch bird. Tim Crowley came across the bird when he was drinking with his friends and was too drunk to drive so he sent the bird in its own private car. No word on if it was a Black Car or Pool.

A man fleeing from the police was hidden out of view but then gave away his location when he farted, loudly.

Amazon decided not to charge a restocking fee and will refund a woman whose toddler bought a $400 couch while she was sleeping.

Toyota is working on a car with a solar roof for its electric cars so they can charge themselves while driving. On the other end of the spectrum, the Lexus division is building a 65-foot luxury motor yacht.

The last VW Beetle rolled off the production line in Mexico. Volkswagen announced that there will be no electric Bug. Only the van made the jump.

A store in Texas has deployed police to guard the ice cream from getting licked.

As if he wasn’t already in enough trouble, Elon Musk now has Pablo Escobar’s brother mad at him because he claims Elon stole his flamethrower idea.

Photo credit: Father and son lost in VR while their Tesla recharges.

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TWTW

The week that was (07-05-19)

In preparation for all-electric double-decker buses, Transport for London commissioned new sounds that will alert people when these new, much quieter, buses are approaching. Bubbling noises and intermittent bleeps were voted down as “too spaceshippy” in favor of a canned recording of the old Routemaster bus which could be heard “a mile off.”

It was so hot on the California coast that scores of mussels were cooked in their shells. For the first time ever, it hit 90 degrees in Anchorage.

Over 2.3 million gallons of bourbon caught fire at a Jim Beam warehouse in Kentucky.

Scientists took over a year to confirm data that they couldn’t believe was true. An arctic fox, tracked by GPS, walked over 3,500 kms from Norway to Canada over the North Pole in just 76 days clocking an incredible 46 kms/day on average and, on one day, traveling 155km.

Over 100 cars in Denver followed their Google Maps recommended detour around an accident and ended up stuck on a narrow dirt road that had turned to mud.

An elderly man took a cake to a local hospital as a gift for the nurses that cared for his family member. Little did he know that the cake he took was one given to his grandson by his mates and was laced with cannabis. Police reported the staff at the hospital were “off their faces” and “relaxed.”

Instagram Influencer Lori Faith had built her career on her many different hair styles and hair treatments. But she never really went viral until she live-streamed a bleach treatment and lost all her hair.

Organizers of the Straight Pride Parade (motto: “It’s great to be straight”) received unmarked letters that they suspected might be filled with something dangerous. The bomb squad was called, the letters were opened, and authorities discovered glitter and note signed “Happy Pride” in rainbow colors.

A sad commentary of the world we live in, the Chicago Tribune, serving its community with helpful information, ran a column prior to July 4th. Gunshots or fireworks? How to tell the difference

Photo credit: Reddt

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TWTW

The week that was

An outfit called BASE Hologram has put together a tour featuring Buddy Holly and Roy Orbison holograms touring with a live backup band.

A bit more DIY, a zoo in Japan held a drill for a polar bear escape and dressed a zoo employee in a bear suit the make the exercise more realistic. He really got into his role.

Tiffani Adams was exhausted and fell asleep as her short flight from Quebec to Toronto took off. Unfortunately, when she woke up, not only had everyone gotten off the plane, it was pitch dark and parked for the night with the doors locked.

Detroit artist Sheefy McFly was commissioned by the city of Detroit to beautify the city with a mural. Everything was going well until the police busted him for unauthorized graffiti.

Researchers at Cornell University have created a system of circulating liquid to “store energy and power robotic applications for sophisticated, long-duration tasks.” Basically, robot blood.

The pentagon is funding development of new technology that uses lasers to detect the unique signature of someone’s beating heart at 200 meters.

The sandwich chain Arby’s, butt of many Jon Stewart jokes, is coming out with a new meal option that looks like a carrot, tastes like a carrot, but is actually meat. The Marrot is a “turkey-based pseudo-vegetable had a sweet maple taste with earthy, herb-filled undertones.” Just call it a carrot made of meat.

It’s so hot in Spain that shit is catching on fire. Yes, you read that right.

Photo credit: Tommy Tutone

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TWTW

The week that was (longest day edition)

Fiction became fact when the Facebook livestream of a Pakistani politician’s face was adorned with kitten ears when someone inadvertently flipped on a video filter. This was the topic of a Saturday Night Live skit just a few months earlier.

Finnish national broadcaster YLE discontinued its weekly Nuntii Latini, newscast spoken entirely in Latin. Not to worry, the Catholic Church has announced the Vatican Radio will start hosting one of its own Latin broadcasts.

The 100-year old Monterey Cypress tree in San Diego that is said to have inspired Dr. Suess’ story of The Lorax fell over. No word on if the Once-Ler is to blame.

A new type of whale was discovered. Confirmed by DNA tests on a skull discovered in 1990, scientists announced the first recorded hybrid beluga-narwhal. Still undecided is if it is to be called a belugawhal. A narwhaluga.

Marijuana Pepsi is now Dr. Marijuana Pepsi after earning her dissertation on “Black names in white classrooms: Teacher behaviors and student perceptions.”

Mitsubishi is selling a $270 toaster that toasts one perfect slice of bread at a time.

Facebook helped re-unite a man with his prosthetic ear that washed up on a beach in Florida.

An army of ants took over a United Airlines flight from Venice to New York. Here’s the tale told in a 22-part twitter thread.

An entire NYC subway car broke out in spontaneous and unprompted song.

Photo credit: Reddit user the-furry

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TWTW

The week that was (06-14-19)

An oak sapling, planted jointly by Trump and Macron as a symbol of their countries’ friendship, has died. In an awkward bit of symbolism, the tree died in quarantine.

In order to speed up turnaround times for its airplanes at the gate, United is sending its ground crew to NASCAR pit crew training camps.

The Japanese parliament passed a law making illegal to fly an unmanned drone while drunk.

A rapper named “Scarface” announced that he’s running for a seat on the Houston City Council.

A man in Israel managed to hold up two banks armed with nothing but an avocado.

The F-35 fighter jet project is coming along nicely save a few hiccups. Pilots are asked to limit the jet’s airspeed to avoid “damage to the F-35’s airframe or stealth coating.” Kind of the point with a fighter jet. To go fast and not fall apart.

The Honda lawnmower that can go 150 mph announced last year? There’s now video.

The was a bumper crop of mangoes in the Philippines due to unusually warm weather, they now have 10 million more mangoes than usual and are not sure what to do.

A baby girl, born on board a train traveling from Galway to Dublin, was granted 25 years of free travel by Irish Rail

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TWTW

The week that was

It was only the 2nd time ever that there were two English soccer teams playing each other in the European Champion’s League final. Thousands of fans flew from England to Madrid, Spain to cheer on their favorite team. 63,272 managed to squeeze in to see the match. Meanwhile, two US MLS Soccer teams played in Atlanta and sold over 67,000 tickets.

Either someone has pulled off an elaborate hoax or the San Francisco sharing economy has literally jumped the shark. Swedish Startup to Bring Pogo Sticks to S.F. as E-Scooter Alternative.

Across the Bay, the Oakland City Council unanimously passed a resolution decriminalizing psychedelic magic mushrooms.

Almost 19,000 women filed a petition with Japan’s Labor Ministry calling for a ban on dress codes that require women to wear high heels at work. Takumi Nemoto, Japan’s Health and Labor minister, cryptically replied, “It is socially accepted as something that falls within the realm of being occupationally necessary and appropriate.” Who is Nemoto you ask? He’s the same fellow who was accused earlier in the year of fudging government data resulting in over 20 million being short-changed on their benefits. Something that has been going on for 15 years.

In what most certainly was a case of the cure doing more harm than the ailment, an injured woman in her 70’s was airlifted off a mountain outside of Phoenix and was given the whirl y-gig ride of her life.

A “bloom” of ladybugs 80 miles wide flying between 5,000 and 9,000 feet in the skies near San Diego were so concentrated that they were picked up on radar.

A hotel safe, unyielding to blacksmiths, the safe manufacturer and former hotel employees who had long forgotten the combination, was opened by a random visitor who guessed correctly on his very first try.

Photo credit: Reddit user JohnnyGFam