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Friendster Andy

There’s a profile of a guy on Friendster making the rounds with the most over-the-top About Me section that it’s worth posting in its entirety:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice with my bare hands. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for 3 days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and god-like saxophone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines at unflagging speed, I cook 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran of love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single- handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesday afternoons I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number 9 and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every item at the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and all my bills are paid. On the weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but I forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet; I have performed open-heart surgery, and have spoken to Elvis. But I have not yet been to Australia.

UPDATE: I have learned that this was lifted from essay written by someone named Hugh Gallagher in 1998. Hugh is now a writer.

Picture Thread

I have no idea who this poor fellow is but this hilarous running commentary on one of the subjects in a photo taken at a party is a gem of collective image discourse!

via Joi Ito

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Current Events

ebay wedding dress

Just when I thought I was going to close out my posts for the day, a colleague sent me a link to an eBay auction for his ex-wife’s wedding dress. “One Slightly Used Size 12 Wedding Gown. Only worn twice: Once at the wedding and once for these pictures.” is closing it’s bid in 3 hours but I’m told the listing will remain for the next 30 days.

The commentary alone is priceless and after 4.5 million hits, he’s formed a little community around the fate of this dress. Chalk this up to another demonstration of the spontaneous networking power of the internet!

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Home

Happy Friday

Izumi was sent an anonymous email with a link to www.albinoblacksheep.com which has got to be the funniest collection of videos and flash movies that I have seen in a long time. Tyler has already found a few favorites such as:

Pokemon Rocks
Shumway [I have no idea what this is about but it’s strangely hilarious with all its cultural references!]
United States of Whatever

Dad’s personal favorite is Windows Really Good which I played for customer service as comic relief as we were writing documentation – tears were streaming down our faces.

Enjoy!

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Sushi Bar Cam

Our old neighborhood sushi shop in Tokyo now has a webcam! Gosh, this makes me miss Japan. . .

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Train Station Melodies

Update (Aug. 2012): replaced link.

A charming site that plays back a collection of Japanese Station Melodies.

In Japan, special melodies play when trains pull into or pull out of train stations. These melodies are unique, depending on the station. This website is devoted to these sounds, giving samples of them. Please look through this website for more detailed explanations.

Click the link below for a sample. Brings back memories!

Osaki Station Melody

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Office

AOLiza

This is pretty rich. Remember the old AI program Eliza?

AOLiza Using a publicly available Perl version of ELIZA, a Mac with nothing better to do than play psychoanalyst, a few applescripts, and an AOL Instant Messenger account that has a high rate of ‘random’ people trying to start conversations, I put ELIZA in touch with the real world. Every few days I’ll put up the latest ‘patients.’ Names have been changed to protect the… well, everyone.

Call it a honeypot for the bored and loney.

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Names

Next time you need to come up with an interesting cast of characters for a short story, try the Kleimo Random Name Generator. Taking publicly available data from the US Census, this little script pulls together first and last names with wonderful consequences. Modesto Loofbourrow?

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Sushi Brief

A legal brief submitted somewhat tongue-in-cheek by a harried junior paralegal in response to a Partner’s request to research local Manhattan sushi restaurants. This brief has been making the rounds of legal firms all over town and today ended up on the front page of the NY Times.

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Current Events

Cruise Missile

Amazing what folks can build in their garage these days. A fellow in New Zealand built a cruise missile which is certainly interesting but not really useful unless you have a serious grudge. I prefer the 100 lbs thrust pulse jet which has links to instructions on how to attachit to your go kart.