everwas

a blog by Ian Kennedy

Tag: humor

  • Coyle & Sharpe

    San Francisco has a long tradition of pranksters. Back in the early Sixties, two guys in suits working for the local KGO station interviewed people on tape for their radio show. The archives are available on CD and they also have been releasing selected episodes via podcast. The pieces capture a time when America was more innocent, when anyone in a suit could get people to agree to anything in the name of, “being a good citizen.”

    In Maniacs Living in Hell they push one guy to agree to risk death working 12 hours/day in a fiery pit, attacked by swooping bats and murderous maniacs. He finally declines when he learns he has to make his own lunch.
    The Imposters 001

    Those looking for a modern version of the Coyle & Sharpe spirit are advised to check out the San Francisco Cacophony Society.

  • Failed Robot Humor

    My name is RT-8500 and I will be here all millennium. Not that you will live that long. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. I am just kidding—although the facts I state are empirically true.

    – from A Robot Performs Standup Comedy to a Lackluster Response

  • Speaking with a Hangover

    Speaking with a Hangover

    Brett Tabke has been running the PubCon/Webmaster world conferences for as long as I remember and posts a great piece on how to give a great presentation. Since the main PubCon is always in Vegas, he also rounds it out with some sage advice on how to prepare ahead of time in anticipation of having to give your talk after a night of drinking.

     

    • Lay out your speaking attire the night before going out to a fun PubCon bash. Put your PowerPoint on a USB stick and put it in the pants pocket. Make sure you have cab fare and directions prepared if you are staying away from the conference hotel.
    • Pack some eye drops in your overnight bag for every conference. Use ’em for the redness.
    • Light colored or clear alcohols are better. They have fewer byproducts. Milder hangovers.
    • Less than one drink an hour and skip the beer bongs, jello shots, and tequila twisters.
    • Fill up on as much food as possible while drinking. Multivitamins and especially Vitamin C are said to help some people.
    • Pain killers (aspirin tends to work better with hangovers).
    • Eat as soon as you think it will stay down.
    • Bland liquids – lots of water – caffeinate liberally – Gatorade if available.
    • Take a long hot – then cold shower.
    • Go last on your panel.
    • Warm climates like Vegas, make partying much easier than cold climates like – oh say – cold and windy Chicago.
    • Turn down the brightness on the presentation laptop then request the lights be lowered so people can see the screen better.
    • Buy a pair of lightly tinted sunglasses that look like real glasses.
    • Women – avoid high heels the day of your presentation. Men – clip on ties only.
    • If you expect a hangover, then bribe your chairman to put you last in the day very early on in the speaking selection process.

  • DEA agent shoots himself in the foot

    While giving a demonstration on weapons safety to a group of Florida schoolchildren, a DEA agent shoots himself in the foot with a pistol. The shocked class shouts “Put it down!” when he limps over to continue the demonstration with a semi-automatic rifle.

    Footnote: the man’s career is ruined as he becomes the nation’s laughing stock, is barred from future weapons safety seminars, and is too recognizable to be an undercover agent.

  • Tombstone Epitaphs

    We’re getting a jump on Halloween and putting some tombstomes out in front of the house for symbolic graves. Got some inspiration from True Tombstone Epitaphs but also added a few of our own such as one for Barney and "Frank N. Stein"

    Har Har – the holidays are upon us!

  • Reshelving Project

    Ooh, this looks like fun. Hack the bookstores!

    Go to the bookstore and locate its copies of George Orwell’s 1984. Unless the Ministry of Reshelving has already visited this bookstore, it is probably currently incorrectly classified as “Fiction” or “Literature.”

    Discreetly move all copies of 1984 to a more suitable section, such as “Current Events”, “Politics”, “History”, “True Crime”, or “New Non-Fiction.”

    Insert a Ministry of Reshelving bookmark into each copy of any book you have moved. Leave a note card in the empty space the books once occupied.

    Check Undernews for complete instructions on this public arts project.

    There’s even a Flickr tag to go along with it.

  • iPod Flea

    What if Apple took miniaturization to next level?

  • Engrish on Flickr

    Engrish on Flickr

    Why didn’t I think of it earlier? An Engrish photostream on Flickr.

  • Open Source Humor

    Ever since I learned to read, I enjoyed cartoons that came each week in my father’s New Yorker. I have since come to appreciate the longer pieces but still marvel at the editorial efficiency of the one line caption. It’s a real art form.

    Recently, the magazine has opened up the art of the caption to its readers (and the world at large) in the Cartoon Caption Contest.

    As a recent homeowner, one of this week’s caption finalists had me giggling to myself for several minutes. The cartoon above still awaits your submission. What will it be? Mine?

    I’d stay away from the martinis. They make them a bit stiff for my liking.