The Crisco didn’t work so well last time so Philadelphia city workers tried something else to keep the sports fans from climbing the city lamp posts, hydraulic fluid. It didn’t work.

Boston University lost their bet with Temple University so BU students will be eating Philly Cheese Steaks under a banner congratulating the Eagles on their Super Bowl victory.

Budweiser honored its bet with Eagles offensive lineman Lane Johnson and bought Bud Light for the everyone at the Eagles Super Bowl parade.

A Florida man who was missing at sea was found after 16 days of subsisting on Doritos and cookies.

Headline of the Week award goes to Inverse for “Flat Earther’s Rocket Launch Fails Spectacularly, Disappointing Tens”

Police in Scotland had a tense, 45-minute stand-off with a tiger until they discovered it was a stuffed animal.

In Mexico, someone tried to send a live tiger cub through express mail.

Remember the emotional support peacock from last week? This week a college student was told by Spirit Airlines at the gate that her pet hamster, Pebbles, would not be allowed onboard her flight so she flushed him down the toilet.

Ever sensible Finland started wheels turning for the EU to evaluate the repeal of Daylight Savings Time.

Japanese scientists were at it again. Apparently chemicals found in McDonald’s french fries stimulates hair growth.

Sensing opportunity with the legalization of recreational pot in California, one enterprising Girl Scout sold over 300 boxes of cookies in six hours outside of a San Diego pot dispensary. All for a good cause?

A self-driving truck drove itself 2,400 miles from Los Angeles to Jacksonville.

The US Army is now training with unmanned robots that shoot .50-caliber bullets from a machine gun.

The Norwegian Olympic team in South Korea misused Google Translate and ended up taking delivery of 15,000 eggs.

The Winter Olympics skating competitions kicked off in Korea with a dreadful Paul Anka cover of Wonderwall.

Pastor Mack Wolford from the Full Gospel Apostolic House of the Lord Jesus was killed by the timber rattlesnake that was a common prop in his sermons.

Scott Tilley, an amateur radio astronomer, discovered a satellite that NASA thought they had lost in 2005. It appears to have been actively transmitting data all along.

Thieves in Germany stole two trucks and made off with almost 50 tons, of chocolate. Further South, police outside of Seville, Spain recovered four tons of oranges.

Tickets to the President Trump’s State of the Union speech had a typo and had to be reprinted.

A woman at Newark Airport was denied a seat on a United Airlines flight for her pet which she claimed had a right to bring on board as her emotional support animal. The pet was a peacock.

Two cops in Toronto raided a marijuana dispensary and sampled some of the evidence. The edibles did not show any adverse effects so they ate more, and then some more. Then the drugs kicked in.

Students in New Jersey raised over $5,000 to send their school bus driver, “Mr. Gary” and his wife to the Minnesota to see his favorite team, the Eagles, play in the Super Bowl this weekend.

Robert Meilhammer, out hunting geese, had to be airlifted to a hospital when one of the birds shot out of the sky hit him and knocked him unconscious.

A Northern California woman listed as missing when she stopped updating her social media accounts turned up on national TV in an episode of The Bachelor.

Michael Ryder in Michigan started to receive unemployment checks this week. Michael is a dog.

To keep jubilant Philadelphia Eagles fans from climbing lamp posts after the NFC Championship game, city workers lathered them down with Crisco grease. Despite their efforts, Eagles fans drove up the Rocky Steps with their dune buggy and animated traffic cones instead.

Minnesota Viking fans, bitter at their loss to the Eagles in Philadelphia and having to host Philly fans in Minnesota, are apparently plotting to sign up as temporary Uber drivers so they can drop them off “in the boonies.”

New Orleans recently cleared out its clogged drainage system of 46 tons of Mardi Gras beads.

A Florida man was arrested for driving under the influence after pulling up to a drive-thru bank window at and trying to order a burrito.

A flying drone dropped a flotation device to two teens caught in a riptide in heavy seas off the Australian coast in what officials describe as a world-first rescue-by-drone.

Japanese engineers have been testing a new device for trains that has reduced the number of “deer-train collisions” by 40%. The contraption makes the trains bark like a dog.

New York City placed a $4 billion order with Japanese company Kawasaki for over 1,000 new subway cars. The deal was a blow to Canadian Bombardier which was hired to build the city’s last fleet of new cars, but delivered them two years behind schedule.

Researchers at the Chinese Academy of Sciences Institute of Neuroscience in Shanghai have successfully cloned a monkey.

A driver of a Tesla stopped in the middle of rush hour traffic on the San Francisco Bay Bridge was sternly reminded by California Highway Patrol that a self-driving is not the same as autopilot. Later in the week, another Tesla reportedly on “Autopilot” slammed into the back of a fire truck in the breakdown lane.

A German politician from an anti-Islam party resigned and converted to Islam.

Ralph Lauren unveiled the US Winter Olympic uniforms. They are embedded with electric heating elements in the shape of an American flag.

China announced that Hip-Hop culture and tattoos are now banned from television.

Residents in Alabama held a candlelight vigil to mourn the loss of a Taco Bell.

Japanese food scientists figured out how to make soft-serve ice cream that can be set on fire.

French supermarket chain Intermarché discounted the hazelnut spread Nutella 70% – riots broke out.

A dozen camels were disqualified from this year’s Saudi “camel beauty contest” because their handlers used Botox to make them more handsome.

The White House inquired with the Guggenheim about borrowing a Van Gogh for President and Melania Trump’s private living quarters. The Guggenheim’s chief curator was apologetic. The painting was “prohibited from travel except for the rarest of occasions” and suggested Maurizio Cattelan’s Golden Toilet which was available.