The week that was

An underwater gas line ruptured in the Gulf of Mexico and set the ocean on fire.

Locals in upstate New York are complaining that a power plant, taken over by a NYC private equity fund to mine crypto, is ruining the their nearby lake. “The lake is so warm you feel like you’re in a hot tub.”

The Chinese Navy has developed an aquatic surveillance drone shaped like a shark to avoid detection.

A crate carrying 100 homing pigeons fell off a truck in Florida. The birds refused to move, causing a hazard for drivers. “It’s the worst case scenario – homing pigeons that can’t find their home,” said a news release from Volusia County officials.

Kohei Jinno, evicted from his family home to clear the way for the National Stadium for the 1964 Tokyo Olympics, was evicted a second time 48 years later, when they rebuilt the stadium for the 2020 Games. He was given 170,000 yen ($1500) for the inconvenience.

A man who spent $40,000 on tickets in pursuit of the Guinness Record for most Olympic events attended was crushed to hear that fans would not be allowed to attend the Games in person. 

A 53-year old Japanese woman was arrested for trying to douse the Olympic torch with a water gun.

Jessica Springsteen, Bruce’s daughter, qualified for the US Olympic Equestrian team.

An Ohio state trooper saved a man’s life when he Heimliched a driver pulled over for speeding. The driver was choking on a baggie of marijuana he swallowed to hide from the officer. After coughing up the evidence, he was cited for speeding, failure to wear a seat belt and a misdemeanor for marijuana possession.

Two hundred white supremacists from Texas drove to Philadelphia to stir up trouble in the nation’s birthplace over the July 4th weekend. While marching around and chanting “The election was stolen!” they were summarily chased out of town by fed up citizens.

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