The week that was

As cooler temps set in and songbirds started their migration south, the annual crashing of birds into the Manhattan skyscrapers season began.

In-person schooling started but the bus driver shortage was so severe in Massachusetts that they had to call in the national guard.

Japan announced that they have successfully tested a new kind of rocket engine that uses shock waves instead of thrust sending a 30 meter rocket over 230 kms into space during a 4 minute flight.

A UK firm announced that it is working on a blimp. The Airlander 10 is the world’s largest aircraft and can fly 100 passengers, 4,000 kms over 5 days with nearly zero emissions. It also has a nickname, The Flying Bum.

Who says you can’t reinvent the wheel. Michelin announced its airless tires are ready for mass production.

Elon Musk’s SpaceX successfully delivered four civilian astronauts into three days of orbit and a successful splashdown landing in a self-driving rocket ship. Elon Musk also sent the obscure cryptocurrency Floki Inu up 1000% when he named his dog Floki.

A prankster put out a fake press release announcing Walmart’s adoption of Litecoin, a cryptocurrency, in a classic pump-and-dump scheme.

Kanye [Ye] West made news by unfollowing his ex-wife Kim Kardashian on Instagram. He made news again by re-following her. The last time there was this much excitement on the IG Follow beat was back when Drake followed Kim when K & K were married.

The week that was

Snow came early to Mt. Fuji. 21 days earlier than last year.

AT&T restored cellular service to the areas hit hardest by Hurricane Ida using flying drone antennas, also known as Cell-on-Wings (COWS).

College football started up again to packed stadiums of hopefully vaccinated fans. The Hoosier uniform staff had to explain how they misspelled their state and University of Miami fans found a new use for the American flag.

A recent power outage in the New York subway system was traced to someone accidentally pushing an “Emergency Power Off” button.

Singapore is testing patrol robots to look out for “undesirable” behavior. The robots, named Xavier (after the Jesuit missionary?), will roam public areas and use onboard 360-degree cameras to scan for violations such as smoking in prohibited areas, illegal hawking, and non-compliance with COVID-19 restrictions and send real-time alerts to the authorities.

An unspecified Southeast Asian military service placed an order for two jetpacks.

A standoff between police and an armed suspect was briefly interrupted when a naked woman drove a golf cart in between the two and refused to heed commands to take shelter. There was “a distinct odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from her person, and she was completely nude.” The event took place in Florida but authorities were quick to point out the woman was from Boston.

A first edition Spider-Man comic book sold for a record $3.6 million, beating out Superman.

The El Salvadorian government officially recognized Bitcoin as legal tender to make it less expensive for its citizens abroad to transfer money home. The price of the cryptocurrency promptly plummeted.

Ben John, a 21-year old Nazi sympathizer, was found with over 9,000 right-wing and terror-related documents on his hard drive which he claimed he collected due to his “academic fascination.” To avoid prison time, a British judge ordered Ben to read Austin, Shakespeare, Dickens, Hardy, and Trollope and agree to be tested on what he read.

The week that was

Toyota took its self-driving buses out of service after one of them struck a Paralympic, taking the judo athlete out of service. Toyota apologized for the “overconfidence” of its vehicles.

In Ida-flooded Louisiana, a man was eaten by an alligator. The Humane Society removed an 80-pound cougar from a NYC apartment.

According to the British National Corpus of Conversation, “fuck” overtook “bloody” as the swearword of choice in the UK.

A judge declared that only humans, not artificial intelligence algorithms, can be declared inventors under U.S. patent law.

The New York City Department of Emergency Management canceled their press conference on National Preparedness Month because they were busy responding to Hurricane Ida.

“All ye of little faith, bury this Sakara” were the last words of Zambian pastor James Sakala to his followers before they buried him alive in hopes he would rise again like Jesus.

In response to the Texas heartbeat bill that invited the general population to report on their neighbors, the Texas Right to Life group set up a website allowing people to submit information about suspected violators. You can imagine what the internet did next.

The week that was

Trump’s $20 billion border wall, that has been circumvented by $5 ladders, is now partially washed away by torrential rains along the Arizona border.

Spencer Elden, who was was posed as a baby swimming after a dollar bill on Nirvana’s Nevermind album, is suing the band for child pornography.

The famous leaning tower of San Francisco shifted dramatically just as a massive shoring up project was started. Engineers are regrouping to figure out their next move.

A Russian man defected to Japan by swimming.

The drought in the Western United States is so bad they are airlifting water to animals by helicopter.

Someone is building a near-earth space station but the company contracted to build the life-support system will not say who.

A Swedish firm announced they have successfully figured out how to produce carbon-free steel, a huge step forward to cleaning up the environmentally unfriendly steel industry. The first customer? Volvo.

Someone pranked Newsmax and called in to an interview about the Afghanistan situation posing as Former Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz to say “The next time we have two trillion dollars lying around, let’s spend it on something useful like health care or education.”

The week that was

Tesla announced they are building humanoid robots to be used for unsafe, repetitive or boring tasks. “In the future, physical labor will be a choice,” said Elon Musk.

Disney announced they are developing “sentient” robots and will have them wander their parks free amongst the guests.

Robotics firm Boston Dynamics demonstrated how their Atlas robots can now jump, flip, and do parkour.

Westworld, the dystopian thriller where sentient robots take over and kill their masters, resumed filming for Season 4.

Roblox, the virtual world software marketed towards kids, is having a tough time stamping out recreations of mass shootings built on their platform.

The Peacock network thinks it’ll be fun to watch humans play a “live-action real-life” version of the Frogger video game. Thankfully the gameshow takes place in a studio and not on the streets of NYC or Vietnam.

A burned out shell of a home in Walnut Creek sold for $1 million. “The potential is limited only by imagination,” the listing gushed.

Sensing rough waters ahead, the secretive big data analytics company Palantir loaded up on $50 million in gold bars.

A 1909 baseball card was auctioned off for $6.6 million, smashing the previous record of $5.2 million. Major League Baseball, sensing greater profits ahead, announced an end to their 70-year deal with Topps in favor of the sports apparel company, Fanatics.

A Wisconsin woman accidentally shot a friend while using the laser sight on a handgun to play with a cat.

The week that was

Australian canoeist Jessica Fox found a perfectly stretchy, waterproof material to fix the tip of her kayak at the Tokyo Olympics: a condom.

After asking the UK government to ban its cigarettes, Philip Morris is pivoting to asthma inhalers which it views as a growth market.

London Bridge may not be falling down but it did get stuck.

In a sign that we have completely saturated terrestrial advertising, a Canadian startup is sending a satellite into orbit and is selling space on it for advertisers.

Two North Carolina men who were mourning the loss of their brother at the spot where their brother was struck by a train, were killed when they were struck by a train.

In a plot twist that didn’t surprise anyone, Batman’s sidekick Robin came out as bisexual.

The Mesa County officials responsible for maintaining the security of elections are under investigation by the Colorado Secretary of State’s Office for a breach in security of its election system.

The week that was

Due to the drought, the Northern California town of Mendocino is running out of water and is considering bringing it in via a tanker train. Greenville, another NorCal town, was reduced to ashes by the Dixie fire, the third largest in the state’s history.

While the Yankee Stadium grounds crew was busy cornering a cat in the outfield, Washington Nationals center fielder Victor Robles somehow managed to play much of an inning with a praying mantis on his hat.

An owl was hit by a maintenance vehicle in Central Park and New Yorkers are in mourning.

65,000 rubber ducks were dumped into the Chicago River to raise money for the Special Olympics.

Quick-thinking trash workers in Ohio reunited a grandmother with $25,000 in cash that was thrown out by her grandchildren who were clearing out expired items from the refrigerator. Why was grandma storing hard currency in the freezer? Maybe you should ask my grandmother who stored her manuscripts in the oven.

Somebody thought it would be fun to post a cover of rapper Flo Rida’s Low, also known as “Apple Bottom Jeans. ” They invited others to post their versions as well. The internet delivered.

That is all 😀

The week that was

Researchers at MIT are working on an app that can successfully detect Covid-19 in asymptomatic individuals by processing recordings of an individual’s cough.

A Louisiana family was briefly one of the richest families in America when their bank mistakenly transferred $50 billion into their account.

Philip Morris asked the UK government to ban cigarettes within the decade.

Citizen, a mobile neighborhood watch app that used to be called Vigilante, will pay New Yorkers $25/hour to livestream crime scenes.

The Eastern District of New York sold off Martin “Pharma Bro” Shkreli’s one-of-a-kind Wu-Tang Clan album Once Upon a Time in Shaolin.

Viewers of Olympic women’s field hockey were left hanging when, in the final minutes of the Argentina v. Spain match, the broadcast inexplicably cut to a cameraman focused on a cockroach on the sidelines.

A dispatch from rural New Zealand reports that the case of the “suspicious pair of footprints” has been resolved.

The week that was

The people of the Isle de Jean Charles in the bayous of Louisiana became the first federally funded community of climate migrants.

A startup in Amsterdam introduced an electric two-seater car that can run entirely from sunlight collected on its solar-paneled roof.

A woman in Tulsa was located and arrested when she left a comment on the police department’s Weekly Most Wanted Facebook post inquiring about the reward for her capture.

Ford created a premium fragrance to be used in the new electric Mustang Mach-E GT to give owners a hint of that fuel and tire scent muscle car drivers crave.

The Western New York gardening group is having trouble discussing “hoes” on their Facebook page because their posts are constantly flagged by Facebook’s moderation team.

Scientists in Australia are changing the language around shark attacks in order to dispel a “culture of fear” around the threatened species. From now officials will use the phrase, “negative encounters.”

The WHO started using Greek letters to avoid the stigma of associating a the name of a disease with the place where it was detected. This left folks at Delta Airlines grumbling, where they now just call it “the variant.”

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors approved a pilot program for new municipal trash cans designed by Gucci. They cost $20k each.

Poland had to send home swimmers from their Olympic team when they were told they brought six too many.

The week that was

With rising oceans and cataclysmic floods upon us, it only makes sense that Jeep is thinking about adding to their iconic 4-wheeler an underwater mode.

Confirming that global warming has arrived, Car & Driver published a review to see which convertible, left in the sun, has the hottest seat.

A Moscow-based company is proposing a traffic stoplight design with a more information-rich design.

Because of its high cost of living, New York City was ranked as one of the hardest places to live in the United States. True to form, an Upper East Side establishment notched a Guinness World Record for its $200 black-truffled french fries.

An unopened Legend of Zelda game from 1987 was auctioned off for $870,000. Not to be outdone, an unopened copy of Super Mario 64 went for $1.56 million. NFT that!

A Wyoming rancher was rescued after spending two nights trapped beneath his overturned ATV four-wheeler. He survived on several bottles of water and cans of beer which luckily landed nearby.

An Episcopal church in New Mexico announced that it paid off the medical debt for all of New Mexico.

Engineers at UC San Diego have designed a new type of biofuel cell that harnesses energy from the sweat of your fingertips. This technology could make it possible to charge your wearables without a battery pack.

A military paratrooper trainee, whose parachute failed to open correctly during a high altitude training exercise, sustained only “minor injuries” after a 15,000ft fall took him through some trees and the roof of a house in California, crashing into the kitchen in a burst of insulation and roofing material.