Wild turkeys, too much blow in Belgium, and Vice President Trump.

President Joe Biden celebrated his 80th birthday. Speaker Nancy Pelosi, 82, announced she would step down from her leadership role and Senator Chuck Grassley, 89, filed to run for reelection in 2028.

The organizers of the 2022 World Cup in Qatar banned the sale of alcohol inside the stadiums just days before the first game. After initially tweeting, “Well, this is awkward” Budweiser, the primary drinks sponsor, pivoted to announce that it would award all the beer it shipped to the tournament to the winning country.

After losing his reelection to the presidency of Brazil last month, Jair Bolsonaro has not been seen in public. We finally found out why. He has a skin infection that prevents him from wearing pants.

People in Woburn, Massachusetts have been subject to a barrage of attacks and intimidation by five wild turkeys, forcing some to take up improvised weapons and residents reporting being trapped in their homes. The leader of the gaggle (sounds too friendly), the flock (sounds too docile), the rafter (too esoteric) the pack (yeah, that’s it) is named Kevin (not exactly terrifying).

The Belgium customs agency has been doing such a bang up job seizing cocaine at its ports that the government has run out of incinerator capacity to destroy the drugs.

A 68-year old suspect using a walker to get around robbed a Fresno, California bank of $200. He did not get far.

During an Indiana high school law enforcement training class the instructor confused his training weapon for a loaded firearm and shot one of his students. After putting the school on lockdown (as is customary when shots are fired on campus) police arrived to investigate and take care of the student who is, thankfully, recovering from non-serious wounds and probably re-thinking their future career in law enforcement.

What’s happening on Twitter you say? Welp, Kyle Rittenhouse is selling a video game called Turkey Shoot where you battle the Fake News.

The water source for a community of homes in the foothills outside of Scottsdale, Arizona is due to run dry by the end of the year.

An event in England designed so that members of the public will be able to find out how to “keep their homes and properties as safe as possible from flooding and what to do in the case of a flood” was cancelled due to rain.

Ye announced his candidacy for the 2024 presidential election and asked Donald Trump to be his running mate.