The internet speeds up and Greenland melts down.

Researchers at University College London redesigned optical cables so they can transmit data at 178 terabits per second. This speed is double the capacity of any system currently used in the world and is able to download the entire Netflix library in just one second.

The Greenland glaciers have melted to “the point of no return” and has gone beyond a tipping point that will bring them back.

A man who lives on his farm in the middle of Narita Airport popped back in the news to report that he, “finds farming easier now with less air traffic disruptions due to Covid-19.”

Hobbies have kicked into overdrive during the pandemic driving up prices of collectibles everywhere, including houseplants. One person bid over $5000 for a single plant, approximately $1300 per leaf.

KFC marketers decided that during a time where we are supposed to avoid touching our faces it might be best to pause the finger lickin’ good slogan. McDonald’s doubled-down and will release a spicy Chicken McNugget.

One particularly dedicated prankster managed to completely mess up the entirety of the Scottish version of Wikipedia. “The sheer size and scope is something to behold: look at virtually any of the 57,000-plus pages and you’ll find a nonsensical mishmash of English and Scots.”

Our diets have all gone to hell so the folks at Lucky Charms have decided to cut to the chase and now sell just the marshmallows. What does, “magically. delicious” mean anyway?

As part of a deal to resume the playoffs, which the NBA suspended in protest of the shooting of Jacob Blake, all league arenas will be opened as polling places in the upcoming election.

The law finally caught up with a Southern California man who has been posing as a Homeland Security Agent for years. Federal agents grew suspicious when Donovan Nguyen, 34, showed up at a raid wearing full tactical gear and no one knew him.

Can someone get into the Exclusive Website and report back what it’s about? I can only listen to the hold music for so long.

Cover Image: “The New American Gothic” by Criselda Vasquez, Oil on canvas, 2017