Frozen Gatorade, sentient crustaceans the wrong billy goat.

Army cadets, eager to one-up their rival Navy before the big game, kidnapped Navy’s billy goat mascot but FUBAR’d the mission and made off with the wrong goat.

It was so cold at a Canadian football match (18 F, -8 C) that the sideline Gatorade froze solid.

As gasoline prices spiked, President Biden released 50 million barrels from the strategic oil reserves. Due to a shortage of maple syrup, the Quebec Maple Syrup Producers released 50 million pounds of its strategic maple syrup reserves.

Crypto-currencies swooned on fears of Omicron, a new coronavirus variant. The group of crypto-investors that raised over $45 million to buy a physical copy of the US Constitution lost their bid to a hedge fund investor. A new “decentralized autonomous organization” (DAO) was founded to raise funds to purchase an NBA team.

Mr. Goxx, the internet-famous hamster speculator passed away peacefully on Wednesday.

After testing prices last summer, the Dollar Store officially rolled out its $1.25 pricing.

While driving down Interstate 5 outside San Diego a door on an armored car flew open and bags of money hit the road and broke open, scattering bills everywhere. Chaos ensued.

“Christmas is not canceled” proclaimed billionaire Ty Warner, inventor of Beanie Babies. Chartering more than 150 flights from airports across China Warner flew inventory to eager collectors in the United States, bypassing the container ship logjam.

A man who was caught smuggling copies of Netflix’s dystopian series, Squid Games, into North Korea has been sentenced to death by firing squad.

For the first time, the United States was added to a list of “backsliding democracies.”

The expansion of the UK’s recognition of animals as sentient beings with certain legal rights expanded from pets and farm animals to lobsters, octopus, and crabs.