The People’s Convoy of mask-mandate-protesting-truckers made its way to the Bay Area where it ran into a hornet’s nest of opposition and was promptly repelled by a group of egg-pelting kids.

An activist, pointing out the insanity of Florida’s new law banning school books considered “inappropriate,” filed a request to ban the good book. “Banning books is never a good idea, but what’s fair is fair, and with that in mind, please find attached my request to ban the Bible”

A California man was arrested for making violent threats against the offices of Merriam-Webster over the dictionary’s definition of the word “female.”

A volunteer role-player was shot in the stomach during a police training exercise. “A live weapon was somehow brought into a training scenario,” said 1st Lt. Mike Shaw, Michigan State Police.

Looking to upgrade its selfie game, Snapchat started taking orders for a pocket-sized flying camera drone that can hover above its owner to take snapshots and land in the owner’s hand autonomously.

A kindergartner in Michigan popped open a bottle of tequila at snack time and shared it with his classmates.

An NFT of Jack Dorsey’s first tweet, purchased at an auction for almost $3 million, was re-listed for $48 million but only got lukewarm interest with a top bid of $277.

A 1959 receipt for “nothing” from the conceptual artist Yves Klein was purchased by a French art collector for $1.2 million.

A Texas man was arrested on aggravated assault charges after beating his roommate with a stick during an argument over what mosquitoes look like.

According to Russian media, Monotype Imaging, the license holder of popular typefaces such as Times New Roman, Arial, and Helvetica has blocked access to its catalogue for users in Russia. Twitter users joked that all diplomatic communiques from Russia will now be sent in Comic Sans.

The Costa Rican government was hit with a ransomware attack, taking down central computer systems and preventing the treasury from paying public employees, issuing pension checks, or collecting on taxes.

John Hinkley Jr., the man who attempted to assassinate Ronald Regan, is out of prison and will be holding a concert in Brooklyn as part of a national Redemption Tour. It is sold out.

A woman with 229 pounds of weed in her Chevy Suburban ran out of gas on a bridge outside of Memphis and was busted when police came to her assistance.

Anti-government activist (and Idaho gubernatorial candidate) Ammon Bundy was fined and sentenced to 10 days in jail for contempt of court when he tried to argue that time spent campaigning for governor should count towards his 40 hours of community service stemming from earlier trespassing charges.

An Alaska man who lives in a town called North Pole, looks like Santa, and legally changed his name to Santa Claus has registered to run against Sarah Palin for the lone congressional seat representing Alaska. Would you vote against Santa?

San Francisco cops pulled over an autonomously driven taxicab and were not sure what to do.

A Florida Man has been accused of stealing 63 golf carts in a “crime spree across 7 states.”

In Denmark, thieves made off with thousands of pounds of cheese, worth about $23,000.

A Tennessee state senator dug himself into an awkward hole when he tried to illustrate how Hitler was able pull himself up out of homelessness and, “went on to lead a life that got him into history books.”

A German man apparently received 90 doses of the COVID vaccine in a scheme to sell proof of vaccination cards.

A stranger bumped into a woman buying lottery tickets and caused her to purchase a $30 ticket by mistake. She ended up with a $10 million windfall.

For the first time ever, wind power eclipsed both coal and nuclear energy in the United States.

A company called Space Perspective is offering an alternative to blasting tourists into space on top of a giant, carbon-belching rocket. For $125k (selected Crypto accepted), they will float you gently aloft under a giant weather balloon in a pressurized cabin with comfortable lounge chairs, mood lighting and, a fully-stocked bar. The flight will last six hours and you’ll spend a good 2 hours at altitude. Flights begin in late-2024.

From the front 🇺🇦

The Russian government, famous for suppressing news of the Chernobyl disaster, gave their soldiers maps from before the disaster, unnecessarily exposing them to radiation.

Russia finally admitted that the flagship cruiser Moskva (the one that was told to fuck itself) sank in the Black Sea. The Russian navy is not prepared to admit that the Moskva sank after a direct hit from two Ukrainian missiles but has preferred to admit that the pride of the Russian Black Sea Navy sank because of “incredibly lax safety procedures and damage control.”

For more on the amazing photo accompanying this week’s column, check out Human By Nature

Workers at a Staten Island Amazon fulfillment warehouse voted to unionize, a first for the company. Staff at more than 50 other Amazon warehouses have contacted the organizers to learn how they did it.

Amazon’s soon to be released internal employee chat application has apparently been configured to filter or flag messages that contain words such as “union,” “pay raise,” “living wage,” or “plantation.”

While replacing a boardwalk that was constructed to protect 100 million years-old dinosaur tracks, a backhoe rolled over and irrevocably damaged some of those very same dinosaur tracks.

Ukrainians that have had their Apple devices stolen by looting Russian troops are using the “Find my iPhone” feature to track Russian troop movements.

The novelist who wrote “How to Murder Your Husband” is now on trial for murdering her husband.

Sony is working on more detailed eye-tracking technology for its next-generation PlayStation VR headset. New sensors will track not only what you are looking at but also pupil diameter which can often be a proxy for fear or interest. Finally, the tech can also be used to let you wink at others in VR.

Another week, another stolen Bored Ape NFT.

A team of programmers, roboticists, art experts and psychologists have created a humanoid robot that uses AI algorithms to interrogate, select, decision-make and, ultimately, create a painting.

Another team of researchers spent two years developing an algorithm that creates images based on text descriptions. You can view images created on the Dall-E instagram account and play with a simple version of the technology here.

Someone threw a bunch of cannabis seeds in the New Zealand parliamentary rose garden. The marijuana plants were discovered by the gardeners and “many more will likely germinate for years to come.”

A UK professor published a paper in which he shares how mushrooms talk to each other.

Six Flags got rid of its unlimited dining pass after an electrical engineer got famous for wringing the most out of his $150/year pass, eating all his meals at Six Flags, for the past seven years.

An NFT collector mixed up cryptocurrencies and accepted a shockingly low bid for his prized “Bored Ape” which he let go for $115. Bored Apes normally go for north of $350,000.

Scientists at the University of Bonn are teaching basic math, to fish.

Other scientists are using CRISPER gene editing techniques to breed a hypoallergenic cat.

The Human Genome Project has finished up its work mapping the “bucketloads of DNA crammed inside our cells” in all its “”beguiling beauty and sheer complexity.”

The first private mission into space is set to launch next week. Axiom Space will take a crew of four on a 10-day mission to the International Space Station.

Russia announced it will suspend International Space Station cooperation until international sanctions are lifted.

The sanctions are starting to bite. By some calculations, Russia is running out of digital storage space.

The Russian military is unable to find spare parts for some of their more sophisticated weapons systems because those parts are made in factories that they’ve bombed, by people they’ve turned into refugees.